Emmett's Adventure in Walmart
by xxJxROxx
Summary: Emmett and Edward go to Wal*Mart to get Bella food. But Emmett finds a way out and looks throughout the store on his own. What does he get himself into? I promise the ending is hilarious! one shot


**Disclaimer : Stephenie Meyer owns the characters used below**

Emmett's Walmart Adventure.

**(Emmett POV)**

I stepped into WalMart, determined. A REAL nasty smell clogged my nose, making me lose all of the concentration I had gained. "Damn!Edward if you would just change Bella we wouldn't even have to shop for food," I whined. Whining makes people give in, a valuable lesson I have learned in my existence.

"Emmett stop bickering," Edward replied in his 'I'm more mature than you' voice. My superior whining skills didn't work on him! He thought he was a hot shot now, didn't he?

_Emmett stop bickering. Emmett stop bickering. _It repeated over and over again inside my head, taunting me and making me get a little loopy. I slapped myself in the face really hard, trying to get his voice to shut the hell up. It didn't work.

So, of course I started chanting, "EDWARD SHUT UP," _slap. _"EDWARD SHUT UP," _slap. _"EDWARD SHUT UP-" He had grabbed my arm, amusement in his eyes. I probably looked like I should have been in a mental hospital…not that I would really mind. As long as I got the rubber ducky they gave me last time it'd be kind of…nice.

_Flashback _

"_Mr. Jackson, come this way," An old man croaked, taking me by the arm and leading me into a white room with a single bed, a toilet, and a sink. His right eyelid was closed, and his hair looked like it had blown up. He only had white tufts here and there, which looked REALLY funny… _

"_I think you've made a mistake, I'm not Mr. Jackson," I said. I was really confused, and this old guy wasn't making sense at all. Maybe if I told him I was born white he would understand? Or wait…was he talking about another Mr. Jackson?_

_The man broke my train of thought and shoved a rubber ducky into my hands, and pushing the sides together, it squeaked. "Of course you are," he spoke slowly, speaking to me like I was a retard. He pushed me inside the room, and closed the wooden door. I could hear a click as he locked it. _

_End of Flashback _

Edward started shaking me, bringing me back to the real world. "Emmett, calm yourself. Just do whatever you want. We can meet back over here in half an hour, okay?" _Half an hour? Hehehehe. Silly Edward giving me too much time with myself._

"Okay," I said, heading towards the other side of the store that had electronics and other manly stuff.

"Remember, I know what you're thinking!" Edward called out to me, thinking I would actually take that into consideration. _Him and his stupid physic powers_. I turned a corner so I was out of his sight, and a group of girls that stood by a magazine rack got my attention. There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head, but they were all fixated on a poster of some famous guy. I started whistling and pretended to stare at the ceiling, waiting for them to notice me, and turn to face me. _It never fails…_

The brunette, who had been standing in the middle, dropped the magazine to the floor and looked me up and down, which took a while…I hope because of my height. The blonde and the red-head followed in suit only seconds after, and I could see them lick their lips. What was I, a piece of meat to them?

So…I spoke my mind. "What am I, a piece of _meat?" _I squinted my eyes and folded my arms across my chest.

"Well…I-I uhmm-" one of them stuttered, surprised at my change in attitude. _Good. She should feel stupid in front of me from her actions!_

"YOU KNOW, I HAVE FEELINGS!" I sobbed tearlessly and started running. I had to get away from those girls, they were such jerks! Plus they weren't even really that pretty…the red-head had something stuck in her teeth and the brunette's hair was flipped all over the place like she just did something naughty in the bathroom stall. Humans these days, I swear!

I hadn't been paying attention to where I was going, and _WHAM _I hit a shelf full of newly released movies. It hadn't hurt me at all, but any human would be in agonizing pain. Several people rushed over to come and help me up, so I decided to make this a little more fun…

**(Edward POV)**

_I wonder what kind of cereal Bella likes_… It all smelled disgusting to me, so I randomly picked a box off of the shelf and threw it in the cart. _I sure hope she'll enjoy Honey Nut Cheerios_…I crossed _cereal _off of the list Bella had made and placed my pen back into my sports jacket. I strolled down the rest of the aisle full of cereals and turned down the next one, now looking for pretzels and salty snacks. I was just about to pick up a bag, when a loud, booming, _WHAM _rang throughout the whole store. No human was possibly big enough to make that beastly sound. I ran at a fast human rate, passing the cereal once again, then the meats, vegetables, and finally I reached the front of the store, where I could properly look for Emmett.

There he was, sitting on the floor about a hundred feet away from me, a bunch of girls surrounding him.

_His muscles are so BIG! _One of them thought, her eyes quite large. It's amazing how humans look at us.

"Ouuchh?" I heard him completely fake an utterly hopeless 'cry of pain'. Did he think those girls were idiots?

Almost immediately they all went "Aww," and used a group effort to pull him up off of the ground.

_Maybe they really are idiots. _

**(Emmett POV) **

I was starting to like all of the human attention when _Edward _had to come in and push them all away. He did it lightly, careful that he wouldn't knock them over with his real strength.

"Do you have any disorders I don't know about?" Edward asked me bluntly and randomly. It was kind of rude of him too, you know? To ask that in front of a group of people. He should be ashamed of himself!

He must have been reading my mind because he stormed off, and with the cart he went back to the produce section. _I showed him_! Suddenly, I felt a slight tingly feeling on my arm, and turned to see a petite woman with large, blue eyes staring up at me. But seriously…who _isn't _petite to me?

"Are you okay?" she questioned, while she continued to rub my arm. _Was she a masseuse? Because she was really good at this. _

"I will be," I lied, knowing I was fine from the start. I took a deep intake of breath, as if I was in slight pain, and pretended to be embarrassed.

"All people have pain, there's really no need to be embarrassed," she said soothingly. _SCORE! __Maybe I could start using these lines on Rose! _"So, if you ever need _anything _again, just call me," she handed me a white piece of paper that said **Mandy-** followed by a bunch of numbers that I guessed was to her cell phone.

"Thanks," I murmured, but Mandy had already walked away. She was pretty fast- for a human, I mean. I put her number in my pocket, and I looked up trying to figure what area of the store I was in. To the left of me was a big sign that said _Intimates _and to the right were aisles with beauty and health products. From my point of view, in the intimates everything looked like lingerie and satiny stuff, so I walked into the section and found a pile of underwear that Rose might like. I must've been really engrossed in feeling the fabric, because a woman stood next to me and cleared her throat.

I blinked my eyes, noticing that they had been opened extremely wide. "Uhm, I'm looking around, for my girlfriend," I managed to say with a forced smile. I don't really think I sounded too convincing…

"Suuuuure," she nodded her head and walked away. More realistically, she _jogged _away, probably thinking I was a cross-dresser or a drag-queen. _Well, that went beautifully_… Before I had to endure anymore embarrassing situations I crossed the main aisle way and walked into the make-up department. _Oh, Cover Girl! That's the stuff Esme uses!! Maybe I could get her a couple of things while I'm here. _I started looking for the brown eyeliner she likes to use when the same woman from the 'intimates' section walked past. I could hear her heart beat pick up as she moved back into my view and stared at me.

"You know, it's impolite to stare lady," I said, trying to be nice. Someone had to correct her since she wasn't brought up properly. "Staring at a man looking at make-up is like…staring at a woman looking for…for….UGH! For something that men use!" _Darn me and my lack of proper comebacks_! Her eyes got large, and she just kept on walking.

"…Drag-queen…" I heard her murmur under her breath. A human wouldn't of been able to hear her, but I could, and ignoring the fact that I shouldn't have, I ran out of the cosmetics section and found her passing the school supplies a little way down.

"LISTEN HERE MISS. I. AM NOT. A DRAG-QUEEN!" I managed to below, knowing that she would for sure hear me. She turned and gave me a disbelieving stare, shuddered, and started coming toward me, a wicked look in her eye. _Oh God, scary lady, scary lady! EDWARD! CAN YOU HEAR ME?! I AM AVERTING MISSION: GROCERY SHOPPING! I REPEAT, I AM AVERTING- _my thoughts ended as I hit the cold floor. The lady had pounced on me, and now she was on my back! I could feel her lean forward, and she whispered,

"What's wrong with drag-queens?" her, excuse me, HIS voice was even deeper than mine! I shook him off of me in an attempt to escape, and started running as fast as I could without being noticed as a vampire. The sliding doors at the front of the store were too slow, so I pushed them open -looking like the incredible hulk in the process- and headed towards Edward's Volvo.

_Please be unlocked. PLEASE, PLEASE! _Thankfully it was, and I sat in the passenger seat as I waited for Edward to come back for me. The drag-queen exited from the same doors I did, looked right through the Volvo's windshield, and gave me a girly wave. I locked the doors next to me just in case he got any ideas.

**(Edward's POV) **

Emmett's thoughts had me laughing to myself the whole thirty minutes, and it's a good thing I was listening or else I wouldn't have known he was already waiting for me in the car. I had already purchased Bella's food and was exiting through the sliding doors when I bumped into a woman.

"Excuse me, Miss," I said in a polite voice, hoping I hadn't offended her.

"No problem dude," _he_ said in what was definitely a man's voice, and as I past, _he_ patted me on the butt. I could hear _his_ crazy laughter all of the way to the car, and once I reached my Volvo Emmett shared the same tortured look I did. So, I said for the both of us,

"Next time, we are DEFINITELY going to Meijer."


End file.
